RU for Christ

I'm usually not into posting on the events of my day, but this was just an extraordinary display of my innate cold-heartedness, and I think you should read this. I drive over to College Ave. to get to my Calculus class every Monday , Wednesday, and Friday night. So I pull into the parking deck (usually the 9th level so as to avoid getting a ticket from the rutgers nazi brigade of parking services) and make my way towards Scott Hall. At about Bishop St. I'm approached by some well-dressed college man holding a small black book. Now for those of you who don't frequent the streets of College Avenue in the Bruns let me clue you in to something that has been going on for quite some time. Psychos run rampant around every turn and tree-hugging hippies lurk about dark alleyways prying on innocent students to sign their dumbass petitions to search for cleaner, more efficient energy sources or something ridiculous like that. Most Rutgers students are used to just blowing them off and keeping on their way towards the land of the fat Darryl, but occasionally some slip through the cracks. So this person calmly says "Hey! It feels like it's still July 4th". Seems like a perfectly friendly thing to say to a stranger while passing by, so I responded with a stern "yup". But then things got ugly. He stopped right in front of me and proceded to tell me that he was from "RU for Christ". He barely got those words out before I replied with, "Jesus hates you. Fuck off." It seemed in order, he was going to make me late for class...that's serious business. So I continued on my way. Barely breaking stride I smile all the way to class. I was so proud of what I had just done, it was exceedingly heartless and unnecessary but it felt good to just crush the spirits of a person who whores himself out to the Christian faith. You're in college, go drink a beer and get laid you fuckin Puritan. Back to my epic story... Class begins and the professor starts describing the wonders of logarithmic functions. Not ten minutes into the class, the Christ guy walks in with possibly the saddest expression I've ever seen a human display. He takes a seat in the back of the classroom, folds his arms, and buries his head deep into the abyss of his arms. I swear he didn't lift his head all period, that's more than two hours! We caught eyes after the class ended and nothing was voiced. The look in his dark, desolate, souless eyes told the entire story. I knew right then and there that "RU for Christ" had lost a slave. Let me explain something in my defense, because I'm sure at this point many of you are thinking that I am the big asshole in this story. I was not attempting to rescue this man from a life of sucking up to "the powers that be", nor was I even being serious about Jesus actually despising the very ground he walks upon. (I don't know Jesus personally, so I can't be certain about this) I also don't hate Christians. I'm just a little creeped out by people who spend the majority of their life devoted to the practice of a religion. It can be a good thing to have faith, but when people's lives become consumed with practicing a faith they become irritable. A devout Christian at work told my friend that she felt bad for him because he didn't believe in God. She was basically telling him that he will burn in hell for all of eternity, how pleasant. Anyway I don't want to go into the religion rant so I'll leave it at that. Please remember, I'm not a hateful man...I just like to keep people on their toes.


To that Christ guy in my Calculus class: Please drop the class. You are making it very uncomfortable for me, and I'm having trouble listening to the lecture while you try your very hardest to stop yourself from crying. Your blubbering whimper keeps drowning out the teacher and you only slightly muffle the sound by driving your face into the desk.