The Politics of Alcohol

If you were too drunk to remember it didn't happen (unless it was sex, then it happened twice)

If somone tells you to drink something without telling you whats in it, take a second to think about where you are, who your with, and whos driving you home, got that all figured out yet? Now fuckin chug asshole

If you are angry at somone, please don't get drunk around them

You can ALWAYS play one more game of beer pong

Before you make a rule that involves removing clothes in circle of death or asshole, pull yourself together, calculate the male to female ratio, then decide

Liquor before beer you're in the clear
Beer before liquor never been sicker (I had to include this, its essential)

Vomiting is not a bad thing, it means you won't die of alcohol poisoning (unless you keep drinking after you puke)

If you miss the ball drop on New Years because you were drinking, you must make up for it by drinking until the statue of liberty takes her clothes off.

If possible, all urination during a full night of drinking should occur on a track

If a woman says she drinks and doesn't drink beer dump her

If you thought blue balls were bad sober, you can't even imagine the horror of drunken blue balls. (Ladies this one's for you)

Many have scored anal while drunk, just through a simple trajectory miscalculation (I'm just here to report the facts)

Don't leave the party. As soon as you do dozens of strippers will break in and fuck everyone! You don't want that call the next morning "Dude you missed it and it's never gonna happen again!"