Wasted
Sobriety is boring. I think I'll become an alcoholic next week. Just to try it on. I can always go back to the clear headed kid who doesn't know where he's supposed to be or where he's supposed to go. I wish I was 21. I'd buy myself the cheapest bottle of champagne and drink the entire thing right now. At that moment, where I was would be right. This wouldn't seem as tedious. This schooling, this education. Tommorow is the same as today, so why start again? Lets switch it up a bit. Lets shake things up. I'll get drunk to take my mind off things and maybe then I'll find peace. Peace at home and peace in the classroom. Drunken meditation is also fun. It calms the soul in mysterious ways. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can't truly be addicted to anything because nothing holds my attention for long enough. You have to be dedicated to be addicted. I've never been dedicated to anything with all of my heart in my entire life. I've never anticipated anything the way an alcoholic does his next drink. So I'm gonna give it a go. Haven't found love in a person, so I can find love in a beverage. What's the difference? Some might say I'm being foolish, or overdramatic and to them I say...weren't you seeing you're boyfriend tonight, what are you doing reading my blog? Tomorrow just might be different this time around. With a new drink and a new sensation. I could be dead, inside and out. But at least I'll be drunk enough to forget it when the sun comes up.
2 Comments:
t-t
oh dan.
you can't really mean that can you?
I really do belive there is someone for everyone. this post is makin me worry a bit... more than usual.
t-t *hug*
Well... it sounds like you've hit that wall that a lot of people hit. But... I'm not gonna say that you're like everybody else... because, although I feel your pain... I know we're all different or in denial about our similarities, and frankly, I'm not much for arguing with people these days. Now, however much I wish I had something special to say that would reveal everything you feel like your missing in life, but I don't. Life is all about missing something, and wondering where you belong, because - in truth - you don't belong anywhere. You could've died at birth and it would've been just as meaningful as dying of old age. Death is death, life is life. What happens from start to finish... well... that's totally up to you my friend. We've all gotta deal with that. And a lot of us have to make due with the hand we've been dealt, whether we like it or not. You've got a long time to develop your poker face though. If you've got a good poker face, if you know how to play the game... it doesn't matter what cards you've been dealt. You can win the game by simple bluff. But where do you think the drunken bastards sits at the poker table? The beginning and end are irrelevant... the shit you have to deal with is unique... the thing you've gotta do though, just like everybody else is love the journey. When it comes down to it... it's not all about living or dying, or loving or losing... it doesn't come down to such simple choices. You do have a choice though. The question is: what do you want?
-Hero in Disguise (aka the homeless freeloader that happens upon your guest bedroom every so often)
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